🌈 Let's talk about sex, baby

Good morning ☀️

The NBA Finals are underway with the Miami Heat trailing the Denver Nuggets 1-0 by our press time. But we know most of you don’t care (Heat in 6 🔥). However, your interest might be piqued by the fact that the Denver Nuggets’ mascot earns a whopping $650,000 a year. If you don’t get the next issue of TLDR Weekly, it’s because our staff have enrolled in “how to be a mascot” classes.

— Gloria Mbabazi, Shem Opolot

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Headlines

🌈 Let’s talk about sex, baby

President Museveni assented to the contentious Anti-Homosexuality Bill this past week. First passed on 23^rd March by the Parliament, the bill bounced like a hot potato among the parliament, the president and the Attorney General before finding certainty under the president’s fountain pen.
The enigmatic law stipulates that identifying as or being perceived to be homosexual is not a crime until you act on it or promote it. The death penalty remains for offences classified as “aggravated homosexuality”—where minors, people with disabilities, and mental illnesses are involved.

In response to the missives that flooded Uganda’s inbox, Museveni used war analogies to brandish his index finger at the West and encourage Ugandans to hunker down and brace for the not-so-soft life required to “win the war.”

🪖 Fallen Soldiers

President Museveni revealed that a total of 54 UPDF soldiers were killed when Al-Shabab mounted the deadliest attack since Uganda joined the peacekeeping forces of the African Union Mission in Somalia (AMISOM) in 2007. However, Ugandan troops have regained ground and control of the base Al-Shabab attacked, and the surrounding areas.

Other headlines

DGF leaves Uganda | TotalEnergies offers shares to employees

Court summoned Minister Lugoloobi after he failed to show up in court

Uganda Funeral Services to pay Shs. 261Mn for knocking a motorist

The Joint Clinical Research Center got a new blood irradiation machine 

Government to allocate Shs. 800M to develop Aruu Falls in Pader 

ABSA united over 2,500 runners in the 7 Hills Run to keep a girl in school

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Beyond Borders 

🌍️ Africa

🇳🇬 The Bola bout begins. Bola Tinubu took office as President of Nigeria on Monday, inheriting slowing economic growth, high unemployment, a decrease in oil production, the man-eaters at Tsavo and deteriorating security. While outgoing President Buhari believes he’s leaving the country better than he found it, there’s plenty of evidence to the contrary. Despite the challenges, Nigeria has the potential to 180 with a young population, a strong well-connected diaspora, and plenty of natural resources.

🤝🏾 Rebels and Reconciliation. The East African Community met at the 21^st Extraordinary Summit of the EAC Heads of State in Bujumbura and extended the mandate of the regional force (EACRF) in the DRC until September (About EACRF). The M23 are a major reason why the EAC assembled their Avengers but EAC plans to reintegrate them into the DRC military despite resistance from Kinshasa. In the summit, Rwanda advocated for the inclusion of the M23 rebels in the peace talks, a move that won’t do Rwanda any favours as the DRC has long accused them of supporting the rebels.

Other headlines

Ruto and Raila talks halted | Ruto pursues ambitious $10Bn PPP

Nigeria fuel prices skyrocket | The US sanctions the Sudanese generals

Tourism teams from Kenya and Uganda push for cross-border use of IDs

Zimbabwe’s new controversial law | 9 killed in Senegal riots 

The Security Council extended the UN mission in Sudan for 6 more months

🗺️ The rest of the world

🤖 A 22-word statement of doom. 350 AI experts signed a statement warning of the potential risks posed by AI, comparing it to the dangers of nuclear war and pandemics. These experts, most of whom are responsible for pioneering AI technology, are concerned about an AI that outperforms humans but doesn’t share their values. However, some AI engineers argue that our time and existential dread (for now) are better spent focusing on the current issues—privacy, misinformation, and corporate power.

🇨🇳 🇺🇸 US/China best frenemies. In a classic case of avoiding eye contact above the table while playing footsie under the table, China declined a U.S. request for the countries’ defence chiefs to meet. However,...business and trade ties between the two countries remain unaffected, as evidenced by the Chinese commerce minister’s meeting in Washington and the visits to China last week by U.S. business leaders, Jamie Dimon and Elon Musk.

Nn’ebigenderako

Politics and Government

India’s new Parliament building | The new President of the World Bank

Turkey President reelected | Russia launched largest drone attack on Kyiv

Joe Biden tripped and fell | New legislation in Brazil threatens the Amazon

The West plots to increase support to Ukraine | Japan’s ageing crisis

Mexico’s drug truce with US/China | Train crash in India kills 280+

Science and Technology

How stress causes gut pain | Why the brain’s wrinkles are important

Scientists found the bacteria that caused the plague in the teeth of 4,000-year-old skeletons

Nividia joins $1Tn club | Elizabeth Holmes began her prison sentence

Meta announced the Quest 3 VR headset | Lawyer misuses ChatGPT

Lifestyle and Entertainment

Diddy sues Diageo | Al Pacino’s 29-year-old girlfriend is with child

Games and Puzzles

The four men in hats puzzle

4 men looking forward. None of them can see back. There’s an opaque wall between man 3 and man 4 (1,2,3 cannot see past the wall). 2 of the men are wearing a black hat and 2 of them are wearing a white hat. Each man can see the colour of the hat worn by the men in front of him. (1 can see 2,3 & 2 can see 3) but each man doesn’t know the colour of the hat he’s wearing.

One of the men must call out the colour of his hat lest they all die. Which man will call out the colour of his hat correctly and why?

Answer at the bottom

Procrastination corner

🎵 What it’s like to be a one-hit wonder

📚 If they gave out Oscars for books instead

🐭 Watch robot mice compete in the fastest maze-solving contest on earth

Games answer

Answer: Man number 2.

Reason: If 2 & 3 had the same colour hats, 1 would’ve answered. Since he didn’t, 2 knew the hats were different.

Have a good week!

— Too Long; Didn’t Read (TLDR)