🧱 Buried in Bureaucracy

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Good morning 🌤️ The world’s shortest, most famous, attention-seeking adrenaline junkie, and maker of excellent action movies, Tom Cruise, grabbed the Olympic flag from the stiff Parisian contingent, mounted a bike, rode into a plane, and sky-dove(?) into the hills of Los Angeles, marking the end of the Paris 2024 Olympics and teeing up the Los Angeles Olympics in 2028.

Here are our favorite athletes from Paris 2024:

1. Mondo Duplantis: the pole vaulter who breaks his world record by a few meters in every major competition because he gets paid ~$100,000 every time he breaks the record.

2. Sifan Hassan: the first woman to compete and medal in the 5,000m, 10,000m, and the women’s marathon. Hassan basically ran from Kampala to Lugazi in 3 hours.

3. Letsile Tebogo: the Motswana runner who won gold in the men’s 200m (a first for the continent), ducked attempts to be crowned the king of sprinting before anchoring the Botswana quartet to grab silver in the 4×400m relay.

Goodbye to a fortnight of armchair expertise in all sports, diehard patriotism, and reminding everyone you were the best in [insert sport here] in kindergarten.

—Gloria Mbabazi, Shem Opolot

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