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Ok—

M7 says Ugandans are lazy and as usual, everyone else is to blame; Iron sheet gate bubbles out of the lid, and the NSSF committee recommended everyone must GO!

Let's do this 🚀

— Gloria Mbabazi, Shem Opolot

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Headlines

👒 It be your own

President Museveni visited South Africa to pitch trade opportunities between the two countries and while speaking at a business breakfast, like rain on your wedding day and a free ride on your road anyway, the president casually informed the business community in attendance that Ugandans are lazy.

From the outside looking in (for you and us), an acceptable measure of success for this diplomatic overture, to wash down laziness allegations, would’ve been visa-free visits to South Africa for Ugandans; and while there were rumors, nothing concrete has materialized yet.

🐷 💰 NSSF rigmarole

The select parliamentary committee concluded their deliberations and summarily recommended the entire top management of NSSF (the executive leadership and the board), and the defiant Gender and Labour minister, Hon. Betty Amongi, who initiated the probe, be sacked. The committee’s decision follows the uncovering of several irregularities involving obscene sums of money that’d make a Kampala conman blush.

No prizes for betting this history will repeat itself.

🎁 Special delivery

You may need to sit down for this one: In a week where the Minister for Karamoja Affairs, Hon. Mary Goretti Kitutu apologized for the diversion of iron sheets intended for the people of Karamoja, and the State Minister for Planning, Hon. Amos Lugoloobi admitted to using said labelled iron sheets (also meant for Karamoja) to roof his village animal shelter, Finance Minister, Hon. Matia Kasaija chimed in by saying he didn’t ask for the consignment of 300 iron sheets sent to him by the Office of the Prime Minister.

We’ve heard no talks of arrests.

If we weren’t dumbfounded by the impunity on display, we’d applaud the candour. Perhaps if we unplug the country, and plug it in again it’ll work?

📚 A for Audacity

The results of the UACE results released this past week worried the government and Uganda National Examination Board (UNEB) due to the declining student performance in science subjects, and (more importantly) after one student left a note to the examiners telling them not to waste their time. Furthermore, in a call back to the counterbook centerfolds you covered in song lyrics, the student concluded their submission by regurgitating lyrics from Celine Dion and Mariah Carey. Our only question is how old is this “student”?

🔪 To torture or not to torture

In a sharper about-turn than a soldier in a military parade on Independence Day, Eric Mwesigwa, who was paraded at National Unity Party (NUP) offices two weeks ago to expose the torture marks on his body allegedly inflicted by government security forces, reminded us not to take anything in Ugandan politics too seriously. This past week, Mwesigwa retracted his previous statement accusing security forces of tortuting him, and accused NUP of torturing him to make the government look bad. Coincidentally, Mwesigwa’s retraction came after his visit to the Ministry of Defense headquarters in Mbuya.

NUP President, Bobi Wine, with froth at the mouth and fire shooting out of his ears, issued a scathing statement rubbishing Mwesigwa’s claims.

Other headlines

Senior presidential advisor, John Nagenda dies at 84

New Serere Sub-county MP signs cooperation agreement with the National Resistance Movement (NRM) party

Mbarara City MP Mwesigwa Rukaari jailed over UGX 700M debt

Experts warn on rapid population growth

Government asks Senior 6 leavers to embrace Technical Studies

Government unveils easy HIV self-test Kit for students

Beyond Borders

🌍️ Africa

🇳🇬 Nigeria decides (poorly): 70-year-old Bola Tinubu, the flag bearer for the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC) party, became Nigeria’s newest president. In an election unsurprisingly marred by irregularities and tensions and inevitable futile election result petitions, Tinubu received only 37% of the vote and became Nigeria’s first president to take office with less than 50% of the vote. Opponent Atiku Abubakar, also known as Nigeria’s Raila Odinga (based on election failure alone), received 29% of the vote. If you want to learn more about Bola Tinubu, click here.

While we commiserate with Nigeria, there’s hope.

🇨🇩 Macron in DRC: On the tail end of French President, Emmanual Macron’s Africa tour from Gabon to Congo Brazzaville to DRC, DRC’s President Tshisekedi along with many of his countrymen demanded that France levy international sanctions against Rwanda.

Why sanctions?

DRC accuses Rwanda of funding insurrection in DRC via the M23 rebels, but Rwanda vehemently denies these allegations.

🇧🇫 End of an era in Burkina Faso: Burkina Faso voided a 61-year-old military assistance deal with its former colonial ruler, France. This comes a few weeks after the French Ambassador and troops were asked to leave the country. Vive la révolution ✊🏾.

🇹🇳 Terror in Tunisia: Like your boda guy spinning wild takes about politics without evidence, the Tunisian president, Kais Saied, blamed black Sub-Saharan immigrants for the recent surge in crime in Tunisia, and asked his security agencies to take urgent measures.

But, amid the subsequent rise of racially motivated attacks on blacks in Tunisia, there was a bright light—several hundreds of Tunisians protested in support of their fellow Black Africans.

Other headlines

French court dismisses case against TotalEnergies’ Africa projects

Qatar seeks to reconcile DRC and Rwanda again

Kenyan Deputy President warns against any attempts to “legitimise LGBTQ”

🗺️ The rest of the world

🇮🇱 🇵🇸 🇯🇴 🇪🇬 Peace in the Middle East? Leaders from Israel, Palestine, Jordan and Egypt met in Jordan for the most significant international meeting on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict in over a decade; the purpose of which was to de-escalate tensions over the occupied West Bank.

🇬🇧 🇪🇺 UK and EU deal: The UK and the EU announced a new deal called the Windsor Framework to deal with some of the logistical headaches that resulted from Brexit — the movement of goods to and from Northern Ireland, in this case.

💡 If you don’t know the difference between the UK, Great Britain and England, you’re welcome. Go forth and brag in the bar.

🇬🇷 Train crash in Greece: In reportedly the worst train crash in Greece’s history, two trains—one a passenger and the other a freight—crashed and collided in Greece killing over 57 people.

🇮🇷 School poisonings in Iran: Several schoolgirls in Iran suffered gas poisoning in school after another wave of toxic gas attacks. Many believe these inhumane acts against these schoolgirls are in retaliation for girls’ participation in the mass protests sparked by the death of Mahsa Amini last September. The attacks are an alleged attempt to sabotage girls’ schools and force them to close.

N’ebigenderako

Your next iPhone might be Made in India

COVID-19 source: lab leak or not? The speculation continues

Migrant shipwreck in Italy with 59 confirmed dead and dozens unaccounted for

Genetic research might lead to the growth of more drought resistant wheat

Snapchat has added a ChatGPT powered chatbot so you can send nudes without lifting a finger

The US treasury Secretary [also] made a surprise visit to Ukraine to belabour the issue of economic support to Ukraine’s war effort

Pokemon released a game you play by sleeping. The world must be really worried about Gen Zs

Tiktok to implement a screen time limit for users under 18

Boeing Engineers broke the world record for the furthest flight made by a paper plane and wethinks they didn’t check ALL primary school classrooms

Prince Harry and Meghan asked to vacate their British home for Prince Andrew

Vanessa Bryant accepted a $29 million settlement with Los Angeles County over the unauthorised capturing and sharing of images of the deceased Kobe and his 13-year old daughter

Hidden chamber found in the Great Pyramid of Giza, sooo the Mummy 4 will be coming out soon

The cocaine hippos of Pablo Escobar. Yes, you read that right

Games and Puzzles

This week’s challenge is courtesy of Braingle.

Should you be institutionalized?

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time. This little test should help you get started.

During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines if a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."

Okay, here's your test:
1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket, as it is larger than the spoon."
What was the director's response?

Answer at the bottom

Procrastination corner

🧩 If you’re a fan of Wordle, this one has a twist

✈️ This site uses AI to generate a comprehensive review of your next vacation lodging

🏨 The best hotels in the US, Europe and the Caribbean in case you miss lining up for visa appointments and getting racially profiled

🔮 Listen: How to cultivate your purpose

💡 How to overcome the fear of getting started

🛀🏾 How loneliness shapes the brain

🤫 Apparently, you can’t last an hour in the world’s quietest room

Riddle answer

"No," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

So, how did YOU do?

Have a good week!

— Too Long; Didn’t Read (TLDR)

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