🏚️ Bringing down the roof

Good morning ☀️

Word of the week—compassion fatigue: a condition where there are so many things to care about that one loses (or struggles with) their ability to empathize.

It has been a looooong news week.

Let's do this 🚀

— Gloria Mbabazi, Shem Opolot

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Headlines

💨 Cocaine crackdown

In perhaps the biggest collabo since Wizkid and Goodlyfe teamed up, nearly ten kilograms of cocaine worth UGX 4.5 billion were impounded at Entebbe International Airport after a Nigerian national was caught trying to sneak “the coke” out with the help of Ugandan immigration and security staff.

When they’re not busy stockpiling enough armored tanks for a Michael Bay movie and meting out mass oppression, the Uganda Police does their job.

⬆️ Onwards and Northwards

Like an early 2000s R’n’B ballad, Uganda is feeling really unappreciated and hawking its milk products in North Africa; specifically the Algerian market. After being consistently spurned by its East African brethren Kenya, Uganda, via President Museveni, visited Algeria and signed agreements in tourism, trade, education, energy, and scientific research.

🏚️ Bringing down the roof

The Iron sheets saga continues to trouble the implicated ministers. Like a chicken thief offering to buy you chicken, Speaker Anitah Among tried to banish her cloud by buying 500 iron sheets and returning them to the Office of the Prime Minister (OPM) to “avoid bringing shame to the Parliament”. Should someone tell her?

The IGG, (another) person who takes your tax money and you fi idyat, Beti Kamya, wrote to the implicated officials and gave them 7 days to explain themselves or risk formal court prosecution.

🧾 COVID accountability

The Minister of Science, Technology, and Innovation, Dr. Monica Musenero was a guest of the palpitation-inducing Public Accounts Committee. Dr. Musenero was tasked to account for the COVID-19 funds allocated to her ministry and failed to do so. Dr. Musenero faces a 12-year prison term unless she produces the required documentation.

It should be noted that Dr. Musenero was previously accused of misappropriating funds but President Museveni went to bat for her by challenging her accusers to provide proof. Karma has entered the chat.

Other headlines

The Kampala Flyover hit a roadblock over a certain poorly drained swamp

After a masterstroke of influencer marketing, The Nnaabagereka will release her self-titled and much-anticipated autobiography on March 23, 2023.

The government launched a waste of money cybersecurity task force to curb soaring digital fraud

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Beyond Borders

🌍️ Africa

🇲🇼 🇲🇿 Cyclone Freddy: After first hitting in February, Cyclone Freddy returned with two devastating waves of winds and heavy downpour in two weeks, wreaking havoc in Southern Africa and claiming over 400 lives. Our thoughts are with the people of Malawi and Mozambique as they deal with the aftermath of Cyclone Freddy.

🇪🇹 Abiy to S. Sudan: Much like an uncomfortable car ride in the backseat while your couple friends fight, Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed visited South Sudan for bilateral talks with Salva Kiir. Abiy’s visit came as tensions rise amid the latest spat between Kiir and Machar. PM Abiy urged both sides to remember and uphold the 2018 peace deal.

🇹🇿 🇸🇳 Fight or flight: Picture this (*Netflix tudum sound*): Air Tanzania and Air Senegal, the plucky underdogs and industry rivals, team up to take on the villainous Pratt & Whitney, the American aerospace company that dragged its feet in resolving the engine issue on the Airbus aircrafts. Will underdogs succeed in their quest for justice and functioning engines? Only time will tell. That’s the story.

Other headlines

Polio in Burindi

Two years of Tanzania’s President Samia’s reforms

Like everyone else, Angola sends troops (500) to DRC

US firm joins the rush for new lithium deposits in Tanzania. (Why Lithium?)

🗺️ The rest of the world

🇫🇷 The aging French: If you squint at the above image, you can see Emily, in Paris, fighting for her life and her wages. As most of the developed world ages like Four Cousins, Macron and his political posse used an executive order to essentially force citizens to hop on Zoom calls until well into the twilight of their lives. The contentious legislation would raise the retirement age from 62 to 64 by 2030 to reflect the country’s current average life expectancy, but most workers hate the notion and there’s been literal fire and rubbish in the streets to that effect. The agony over aging would be solved if the French copulated with the same licentiousness their movies portray. (Read: the trouble with aging)

🇨🇭 Swiss crisis: In a week that thrust the precarious nature of banking as we know it into the spotlight, one of the largest “systematically important” banks, Credit Suisse courted and wed crisis by letting irregularities and commercialization outpace risk management (More). Our main takeaway from all this is banking is a confidence industry. The right (or wrong) rumor can send a devastating shockwave across the entire banking industry and give crypto enthusiasts wet dreams.

When asked what a systematically important bank is, say this to sound smart: After the 2008 financial crisis, a new set of banks was created and designated as “too big to fail” because of their strategic importance to economic stability.

🤖 AI overdose: In the busiest week for job insecurity and that guy who won’t shut up about the machines taking over the world, a lot happened. Open AI kissed ChatGPT goodbye and welcomed the bigger, better, faster—GPT-4. GPT-4 is better at understanding text, images and beating standardized tests you have to take to get a redundant education, but it’ll (probably) not take over the world. Yes, they checked (That inspires confidence 😅).

🖥️ Microsoft vs. Google: In a duel for your desktop—via AI—this week, Google drew first blood by launching its planned integration of generative AI features in Google Workspace, but no sooner […] than Microsoft launched Copilot that infuses its overpriced suite of Office products with the newly-minted GPT-4. In this case, when 2 elephants fight, the grass loves to see it.

Nn’ebigenderako

Another bank in the US failed, and then “unfailed”

Annual inflation in Argentina topped 100%

The 2026 football World Cup will be bigger (and hopefully) better

The ICC issued an arrest warrant for President Putin and we’d have given this big headline privileges if the ICC didn’t boast more bark than bite

El Salvador’s crackdown on gangs is AGGRESSIVE

Cocaine production is at its—wait for it—highest point in history

Biden admin to Tiktok: sell US operations or face ban

Meta lays off an additional 10,000 employees after (among other things) hiring ghost employees (eh mama)

FIFA’s president, Gianni Infantino was re-elected unopposed for a second term at the 73^rd FIFA Congress hosted in Rwanda (eh mama)

And on a final (and slightly satisfying) note, Trump expects to get arrested

Games and Puzzles

Courtesy of Braingle.

Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you'll make a familiar phrase. For example, "Thighbone/Swallowtail" conceals "High & Low."

1. Skyrocketing/Trolleyman
2. Thermometer/Apoplexy
3. Delaware/Bordering
4. Surprised/Trashiness
5. Throughout/Stumblebum

Answer at the bottom

Procrastination corner

🔌 This site will let you know if the show you’re about to binge-watch ends on a cliffhanger

💀 How to make friends as an adult

📱The best in mobile photography

🌴 TIME’s 50 top destinations of 2023

Riddle answer

1. Rock & Roll
2. Mom & Pop
3. Law & Order
4. Rise & Shine
5. Rough & Tumble

Have a good week!

— Too Long; Didn’t Read (TLDR)

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