Good morning ☀️

Whew! You never know how much news there is until you make it your business to seek out the scoop. It has been a busy week and we imagine this will always be the case.

Let's do this 🔥

— Gloria Mbabazi, Shem Opolot

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Headlines

The Last of Ebola, for now... 🦠

It's been 4 months since the first case of the Sudan Ebola Virus (SVD) was confirmed at Mubende Regional Referral Hospital. The case inevitably snowballed into an outbreak that fueled panic you couldn't glean from the continuity of Kampala revelry, led to the brief lockdown of Mubende district, and more frequent presidential addresses. Thanks to the concerted efforts of our brave health workers, the development agencies millions of donor funding went directly to, and the apparently irate Ministry of Health officials the millions of donor funding didn't go directly to, the World Health Organization (WHO) formally declared the nation Ebola-free after 42 days without an active case. Bravo Uganda!

The train wreck 🚃

Like a spurned ex, Uganda abandoned its train of thought by terminating its $2.2 billion contract with China Harbour Engineering Company to build the Standard Gauge Railway and signed an MoU with a Turkish firm, Yapi Merkezi. Saying the Chinese Company was stopped in its tracks would be generous, as it failed to execute the contract for eight years.

Pension ping-pong 🐷💰

The game of verbal and letter ping pong between the—reluctant to retire—head of the retirement fund and the minister (seemingly) on a witch hunt continues and is sure to inspire many a think-piece. Most recently, Minister of Gender & Labour, Hon. Betty Amongi wrote the longest government letter we’ve seen floating around social media in recent history. The 19-page missive was full of hyperbole, impropriety, and allegation after allegation. While we wait to connect all the dots in hindsight, all we know is the smoke around the nation’s social security fund portends a large fire in the coffers of the average Ugandan worker.

Land wrangle in Monaco Kisenyi ⛰️

There was a twist in the tale of a certain piece of land in Kisenyi that identifies as prime real estate in Monaco after a family wrote to the government of Uganda telling them they were the actual owners of the land and not a certain City Businessman. Valued at $100 million for 10 acres, this saga makes one reconsider the price one places on one's prized belongings.

Sports ⚽️

Six nations (Algeria, Morocco, South Africa, Zambia, and Benin-Nigeria) are vying to host the 2025 Africa Cup of Nations after, Guinea, who, in 2014, was chosen to host the tournament, realized she was out of her depth.

The Unbelievable 🤯

A surgeon removed an unexploded grenade from a Ukrainian soldier’s chest. We hope this is the last straw in the war, surely. Or perhaps this is what the person who coined the term “explosive diarrhea” always feared.

Beyond Borders 🧭

Africa 🌍

Anti-riot police in Uganda Zimbabwe stormed an opposition MP’s home and arrested 25 people. Obvious questions aside, how big was that home?

Spare 📖

Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare, made history as the fastest-selling non-fiction book of all time. It’s possible to turn pain into profit, by sparing no details. The record for the fastest-selling book (fiction or non-fiction) is held by another Harry (Potter) if you're looking for a name for your next child.

Here's a peek into Spare to whet your appetite or spare your brain cells:

1. Harry says William attacked him

2. King Charles" plea to warring sons

3. The brothers urged their father not to marry Camilla

4. Harry disclosed his number of kills in Afghanistan

5. His goodbye to the Queen

6. Meghan's comment about Kate's "baby brain"

7. Harry recalls several tabloid scandals

8. Teenage drug use and losing his virginity

9. Looking for closure over his mother's death

Other headlines 🐦

67 killed in a Nepal airplane crash. Nepal, home to The Mighty Himalayas, has seen several air transport accidents since 2010.

All domestic flights in the US were grounded for several hours due to a computer software glitch.

In another win for nepotism, the world’s richest man and guy who has probably binge-watched Succession severally, Bernard Arnault, CEO of LVMH, promoted his daughter, Delphine, to head up Dior. Arnault’s son, Antoine, was recently named the Vice Chairman of the Board of Directors as the succession war simmers below the surface.

Following the direction of the last 2 Thor movies, by attempting to appeal to the Gen Z audience, Pepsi replaced its long touted “Sprite-killer”— Sierra Mist with Starry. The change is supposed to seduce Gen Zs to pick one highly caffeinated and sugared drink over another using bright colours and TikTok dances, we assume.

Games 🎯

Can you draw a perfect circle? Beat our high score of 93.3%

Procrastination corner 💤

This is why English is the worst language ever.

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Have a good week!

— Too Long; Didn’t Read (TLDR)

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