🙅🏾‍♂️ Deal or No Deal

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Good morning 🌤️ Welcome back to the only circle back you’re happy to return to this year. 

A large meta-analysis of studies spanning over 100 years found that people tend to choose romantic partners who are similar to themselves across many traits. This contradicts the age-old wisdom that opposites attract. Print this out and stick it on your mirror, or show it to your child when they want to date the high school hoodlum.

IMPORTANT NOTE❗: Starting a month from today, on February 5, TLDR Weekly will no longer be free. Yeah, we know. We wish we could keep it free, too; however, to sustain our consistency, deliver a better product, and implement all our great ideas, we need more predictable income. Plus, someone’s gotta pay Gloria for her jokes. Access to the newsletter will cost the equivalent of Shs. 90,000 per year (Shs. 7,500 per month), payable by card. If you can’t pay, no hard feelings. But we hope you’ll pay so we can keep this thing going and make it bigger and better.

Have a good week!

Gloria Mbabazi, Shem Opolot

HEADLINES
🙅🏾‍♂️ Deal or No Deal

The U.S. officially disqualified Uganda from the AGOA trade deal, a trade program that, for more than 20 years, allowed local entrepreneurs to export their goods with duty-free access to the U.S. market. Uncle Sam, under the stewardship of Joe Biden, issued a warning late last year citing human rights violations and the do-or-die Anti-Homosexuality Act. Uganda was given up to 1 January 2024 to change its ways, but as we all know, the road to that is neither short nor straight. More than $5.1 million to the U.S. in exports will go up in smoke as Uganda becomes increasingly isolated on the world stage.

⭐ Death of a Star

Ugandan champion Benjamin Kiplagat was tragically attacked and killed by unknown assailants after withdrawing money from a bank in Eldoret, Kenya. Kiplagat set multiple national records in the 3,000-meter steeplechase and participated in various international championships. Despite facing illness and challenges, Kiplagat consistently worked to improve his performance, leaving a lasting impact on Ugandan athletics. May his soul rest in peace. 

🙏🏾 Pastor 007

Pastor Bugingo’s dance with death has occupied more news space than the fact that Uganda’s first kidney transplant patient was discharged successfully. Very well. After surviving a contentious assassination attempt, polemical pastor Aloysius Bugingo spirited himself to the hospital. Amidst all the bells, whistles, and armchair forensics expertise on Twitter, Bugingo’s bodyguard, Richard Muhumuza, sadly passed on in the attack. This attempted assassination adds to concerns about growing gun violence in Uganda.

🇰🇪 Kenya

Sudan's ambassador to Kenya packed his camel and dashed back home after his government recalled him in protest of President Ruto’s meeting with Hemedti, one side of the two rival generals whose war has laid waste to Sudan. This move further strains the already tense relationship between Sudan's government and Kenya.

 🇷🇼 Rwanda

Due to safety concerns, Rwandan health authorities have issued a recall for antifungal tablets produced in Kenya. The tablets in question, 200mg Fluconazole, manufactured by Universal Corporation, have been found to have discoloration issues.

🇹🇿 Tanzania

Dar es Salaam Port in Tanzania is making waves—literally. Ship calls skyrocketed from 274 to 317, with cargo having an 11.8% increase. Through the Maritime Gateway Project, the Tanzanian Port Authority has improved its ability to accommodate larger vessels.

Other headlines

TotalEnergies hires investment banker to review land acquisition for Uganda projects.

Bitature given Shs. 26Bn advance payment to acquire Electromax Power Plant.

Prepaid Yaka electricity meters to be phased out by November 2024.

Oil pipeline building commences as opposition mounts.

The Ugandans that did us proud in 2023.

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BEYOND BORDERS 
Africa 

The Horn of Africa | Source: Britannica

🇪🇹 HORNet's nest. In what is perceived by some as a diplomatic masterstroke by Ethiopia's PM Abiy Ahmed, regional strife be damned, Ethiopia signed a port deal with Somaliland. The agreement would allow Ethiopia to lease 20km of land around the port of Berbera, which lies on the Gulf of Aden with access to the Red Sea, for 50 years for its navy and commercial marine operations. In return, Ethiopia would recognize Somaliland as an independent state.
Here’s some context:

  • Somaliland is an autonomous territory that seceded from Somalia in 1991. Despite having its own currency, passports, and elections, it is not internationally recognized as independent, and Somalia still views it as its territory. 

  • Ethiopia became landlocked in 1991 when Eritrea gained independence from Ethiopia, leaving Ethiopia without access to the sea. Since then, Ethiopia has relied on neighboring Djibouti for access to the Red Sea and most of its maritime trade.

The AU urged Ethiopia and Somalia to seas the drama.

🇨🇩 New Term. The Democratic Republic of Congo's (DRC) election commission declared President Felix Tshisekedi the winner of the December 2023 election with over 70% of the vote. The preliminary results were announced amid demands from the opposition and some civil society groups for the vote to be rerun due to massive logistical problems that questioned the outcome’s validity. Tshisekedi was followed by businessman Moise Katumbi, who received 18% of the vote, and Martin Fayulu, who received 5%. Nobel Peace Prize winner, physician renowned for treating women brutalized by sexual violence in eastern DRC, and a man probably consuming massive humble pie, Denis Mukwege, got less than 1%.

The final results are expected on January 10, and the president is scheduled to be sworn in at the end of that month.

Other headlines

Nigeria mulls banning Kenya, Uganda varsity degrees. 

Oscar Pistorius freed on parole.

South Africa's genocide case against Israel condemned by the U.S. as 'meritless.’

CAF amps up AFCON prize money up to $7m.

A Tribe Called Judah becomes the highest-earning Nigerian film.

The rest of the world 

💰 Death, and [more] taxes. Whatever earnings your future multinational corporation will make, deduct a 15% additional tax. A global minimum corporate tax of 15% that aims to reduce tax avoidance by multinationals came into effect, as agreed by over 140 countries. Here’s what you need to know:

  • The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) estimates it could raise up to $220 billion (€200 billion) in additional tax revenue annually by preventing a "race to the bottom" on tax rates between countries. 

  • The tax applies to companies with over €750m annual turnover. 

  • The first countries implementing the new rules, starting in January, include EU members, the UK, Australia, South Korea, and Canada. 

  • While the tax aims to ensure more profits are taxed where economic activity occurs, there are still exemptions that may allow some companies to pay less than 15%.

  • There are uncertainties around how much tax different countries will gain in practice, as tax competition through credits/subsidies may continue and shift revenues. 

  • The US and China haven’t agreed to the deal yet.

While implementation will take effect over time, the aim is for multinational corporations to make a fair tax contribution to the public goods and services in countries where they operate and generate profits.

🍪 No more cookies? In a win for regular internet users like you, who soon won’t have to see those blasted cookie overtures seeking enthusiastic consent as you browse, Google began disabling third-party cookies in Chrome for about 30 million users as part of its plan to phase out cookies over the coming year. This marks the start of Google's "Privacy Sandbox" initiative to replace cookies with new privacy-preserving tracking tools. While cookies are being removed to improve privacy, Google's new tracking systems still allow some data collection and profiling of users. Privacy advocates have concerns about Google gaining more control over the cookie jar online tracking as cookies are phased out, and the changes have significant implications for the online advertising industry, potentially tightening Google’s monopolistic grip on the internet.

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NN’EBIGENDERAKO
Everything else…

The Israeli high court overturned a law that banned judges from reviewing government actions they deem unreasonable.

US Navy sank three Houthi militant boats in response to a distress call, while Iran sent a warship to the Red Sea.

In his New Year's address, Chinese President Xi Jinping reiterated that reunification between China and Taiwan is "inevitable."

A major 7.6 magnitude earthquake hit Japan, causing buildings to collapse and thousands to evacuate.

During a funeral ceremony to honor Qassem Soleimani, a former leader of Iran’s Revolutionary Guard, bombings near Soleimani’s grave killed at least 84 and injured 284.

Nikon, Sony, and Canon are developing new technologies to embed digital signatures in photos and videos taken with their cameras so that people can verify if an image is authentic or has been manipulated by artificial intelligence.

Chinese electric car company BYD surpassed Tesla in all-electric sales in the last quarter. 

Elon Musk's SpaceX launched six satellites to provide cell phone signal in remote areas. 

Microsoft is adding an AI button to their Windows keyboards, which launches their AI assistant, Copilot, which helps with computer tasks and is integrated into Bing search. Another mark to show how old your laptop is.

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PROCRASTINATION CORNER
Games and Puzzles

From Braingle.
Five words containing LU as a letter pair have had all of their other letters removed and placed into a pool. Put those letters back in their proper places. What are the words?

*LU**, LU****, *LU***, **LU**, ***LU**

Pool: A, C, C, C, D, E, F, G, H, K, M, N, N, O, O, P, S, S, T, Y

Answer at the bottom.

Our picks

💡 How movies make actors smaller or bigger

💡 Was The Jetsons a documentary?

💡 What’s in the 2024 Golden Globes swag bag?

Games answer

Answer: FLUSH, LUNACY, SLUDGE, COLUMN, POTLUCK

Have a good week!

— Too Long; Didn’t Read (TLDR)

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