🐔 Golden goose

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Good morning 🌤️ A year before the Summer Olympics in Paris, France has a bed bug problem. Someone said the Haitians finally consulted the right medicine man to serve France their much-deserved vengeance, but we just hope all the planes from France are subjected to the same spray-down treatment we get here.

—Gloria Mbabazi, Shem Opolot

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🐔 Golden goose

At least the network marketers invite you to a free, mysterious dinner before screwing you. Ugandans were left crying foul (see what we did there?) after Capital Chicken emerged as a Ponzi scheme and plucked millions from the pockets of unsuspecting investors. The culprits used contracts and insurance claims to gain the trust of investors but recently failed to pay out profits, leading to suspicions.

Capital Chicken claimed to rear poultry on behalf of individuals who wanted to earn income from farming but faced various limitations, accepted investments starting at Shs. 1 million, and promised 15% monthly profits. The CEO and other managers fled the coop with investors' money, and consequently, 80 victims of the scheme have filed cases with the police, with one retired civil servant reportedly having lost ~Shs. 420 million.

What’s a Ponzi scheme? Imagine you and some friends are playing with toys, and John tells everyone, "If you give me one toy today, I'll give you two toys tomorrow." This sounds like a great deal, so your friends give John their toys.

But John doesn't actually have any toys. Instead, John uses the toys from the new friends who join the game tomorrow to give toys to the friends from the first day. John keeps promising more toys to everyone who joins, but he’s just using the new toys to pay the old friends.

This goes on until there aren't enough new friends and toys to give to the old friends, and then the game stops. The friends who joined later end up with nothing because there aren't enough toys to go around. That's a bit like how a Ponzi scheme works—it's promising something it can't really deliver in the long run.

🦍 Monkey Business

Another day, another scandal. A King Kong-sized scandal at the Uganda Wildlife Authority (UWA) emerged, with top officials embezzling billions through fraudulent gorilla permits. The collusion between the IT, Finance, and Reservation departments led to the printing and selling of permits without remitting funds to UWA. With permits priced at $600, the estimated fraud exceeds Shs. 60 billion. UWA is urgently implementing a new booking and revenue system to combat fraud. Of course, there’s more: The internal audit uncovered additional misconduct, alleging that managers at the Bwindi-Mgahinga conservation area misappropriated $100,000 donated by an American charity. Nearly half a billion shillings may have been lost to ghost purchases with no official delivery records. Perhaps we should just give the gorillas to Rwanda and split the spoils from their exorbitant sponsorship deals with Bayern Munich and Arsenal FC.

💺 Turbulence Ahead

NUP President Robert Kyagulanyi experienced the swiftest immigration check-in on record—the kind of service speed we’d envy if it were under different, less kidnap-y circumstances. While it’s unusual to experience turbulence after landing, Bobi Wine is special, as unknown government security forces bundled him into a car and gave him “free transport” to his home. Mr. Kyagulanyi was returning from a series of international mobilization tours and expected a huge welcome from his supporters, but Uganda Police—reliable when we least need them—had other plans.

🇰🇪 Kenya

Kenya is facing a debt crisis with over $68 billion in debt, equivalent to 67% of its GDP. The cost of servicing the debt, mainly to China, has increased as Kenya's currency has depreciated. President Ruto will travel to China to request more time to repay the debt and $1 billion to complete delayed road projects.

 🇷🇼 Rwanda

A former Rwandan military official, Pierre-Claver Karangwa, suspected of playing a key role in the 1994 Rwandan genocide, was arrested in the Netherlands. Karangwa was detained as part of a Dutch investigation into his involvement in the genocide.

🇹🇿 Tanzania

Turkish construction company Yapi Merkezi is facing a $1.8 billion funding gap for Tanzania's standard gauge railway project, leading them to seek funding across Europe. Yapi Merkezi denies leading the funding drive as a solution to their own cash flow problems and instead states that they are facilitating the project's financing as the main contractor.

Other headlines

Amuriat and Nandala retain their NEC positions.

Green groups target TotalEnergies over Tanzania, Uganda projects.

“Brace for looming severe water shortage," the minister warns.

How TotalEnergies keeps Uganda out of its inner circle.

All Ugandans above 18 to contribute to National Health Insurance Scheme.

Gen. Odongo summoned to explain the Uganda delegation to New York.

Uganda is running out of trees.

Three arrested for misappropriating PDM funds.

Uganda and Rwanda open a new border post.

UPDF repels rebel attack in Kasese.

Kingfisher oil field work suspended after fatal accident.

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Beyond Borders 

🌍️ Africa

🇬🇭 Boom, bust, and bailout. Africa’s first independent nation is going through it. Protesters in Ghana, frustrated with rising living costs, joblessness, and hardship in one of West Africa's largest economies, are demanding the resignation of the central bank governor, Ernest Addison, whom they accuse of mismanaging the economy during the worst debt crisis in a generation. The protesters were dressed in portentous red and black—we assume—as a dress rehearsal for the Ghanaian economy’s funeral.

Kenya’s Haitian Odyssey. After Haiti's request for intervention due to escalating gang violence in Haiti, the UN Security Council approved the Multinational Security Support (MSS) Mission to Haiti to allow countries to send armed personnel to Haiti's aid. Kenya, which stepped up to lead the mission after the U.S. and U.N. got cold feet, plans to deploy 1,000 police personnel. But the move reeks of irony, as Kenya's police force is embroiled in scandal and disrepute. Also, there's the small matter of language barrier, as no one in the Kenyan Police speaks a lick of Haitian Creole.

🇨🇲 Colonial divisions. Armed separatists in Cameroon's northwest region publicly executed two civilians they accused of spying for the government. The two middle-aged men were kidnapped and detained for over a month before being executed in the village of Guzang. The separatists, who have been protesting alleged marginalization by the majority French-speaking government against English-speaking nationals since 2017, aim to carve out an independent state called Ambazonia. The separatists' military wing, the Ambazonian Defense Forces (ADF), claimed responsibility for the execution and said it was done to set an example and as a warning.

Other headlines

Felix Tshisekedi endorsed to run for DR Congo presidency.

Why France’s decision to leave Niger was a bad move.

DRC colonel sentenced to death over Goma anti-UN protest deaths.

Seychelles opposition leader Herminie charged in witchcraft probe.

Tunisia rejects European aid for migrant crisis.

EU signs 650m Euro deal with Ethiopia.

Africa to get third seat and stronger voice, IMF says.

George Weah seeks re-election.

UK’s plan to deport migrants goes to top court.

🗺️ The rest of the world

​​🇮🇱 🇵🇸A long and difficult war. There's hardly a more protracted and polarizing conflict in the world than the Israeli occupation of contested areas in the Middle East. The areas contested between Israel and Palestine primarily include the West Bank, Gaza Strip, and East Jerusalem, and these territories have been under Israeli occupation since the Six-Day War in 1967.

Hamas, a Palestinian Sunni-Islamic fundamentalist, militant, and nationalist organization, launched a surprise rocket attack this past weekend, targeting Ashkelon, Israel, and hitting an apartment building. And since then, the proverbial shit has hit the fan. Here’s what you need to know:

1. Israel is requesting precision-guided bombs and additional interceptors from the US to strengthen its defense against Hamas rocket attacks.

2. The United Nations Security Council emergency meeting did not result in any action (shocker!).

3. The death toll in Israel has passed 700 as of this writing.

4. Hamas claimed to have launched a major missile attack on Ashkelon in response to Israel's targeting of their safe houses. Explosions were heard across central Israel, and Hamas claimed to be targeting Ben Gurion International Airport.

5. At least 260 bodies were found at an Israeli music festival site following Hamas' attack.

6. Hamas is holding at least 30 hostages in Gaza and demanding the release of their fighters.

7. The Palestinian Ministry of Health reported that 413 Palestinians, including 78 children, have been killed in Gaza since Saturday.

8. Israel has declared war on Hamas and has cut off the supply of electricity to the Gaza Strip.

9. While the full scale of the Israeli response is unclear at this time, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has predicted a “long and difficult war.”

Background on the conflict.

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Nn’ebigenderako

Politics and Government

Trump’s trial began.

Bus crash in Venice, Italy kills at least 21 people

The Catholic Church is having a meeting that can’t be an email.

Business and Finance

The crypto SBF trial began.

Spotify will soon offer audiobooks to Premium subscribers.

Ozempic, the blockbuster diabetes weight loss drug

Science and Technology

Microsoft's CEO testifies against Google in antitrust lawsuit.

Scientists who brought you the COVID-19 vaccine won Nobel Prizes.

Thank God for earthworms! | WHO approves a second malaria vaccine.

DNA detection just got 100x better. | Companies race to make AI you can wear.

Zoom is releasing its own version of Google Docs.

Google launched the Pixel 8 with a host of camera tricks.

Amazon launched Project Kuiper—the Starlink competitor.

Sports

Michael Jordan became the first athlete to join the Forbes 400 list.

Simone Biles became the GOAT of gymnastics.

Lifestyle and Entertainment

Paris Hilton gets into content creation deal with X/Twitter.

Beyoncé’s Renaissance tour wraps, earning $579M.

Scary hours after dropping a new album, Drake announced he’s taking a year off.

The Las Vegas sphere is incredible!

Procrastination corner

Games and Puzzles

From Braingle.

A man walked into Sam and Ellas' Cafe and sat down at a table exactly two and one-quarter feet from the window.
The first waitress with straight hair came over to take his order, but he sent her away and asked for the waitress with curly hair to take his order.
He ordered a cucumber and cheddar cheese sandwich, a cup of Cuban coffee, and a chocolate chelsea bun.
After taking the order, the curly-haired waitress immediately said,
"You must be in the army".
She was right, but how did she know?

Hint: Don’t overthink it.

Answer at the bottom.

Our picks

🗝 Why several countries are dying out

✅ How to be extraordinary

🇨🇳 China buys half the world’s cigarettes!

Games answer

Answer: He was wearing his uniform.

Have a good week!

— Too Long; Didn’t Read (TLDR)

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