🧪 Bills and potions

Good morning ☀️

The anti-gay bill won over other priorities, China and Russia are in a mating dance, a Ugandan-made COVID vaccine in 15 years? Just in time… and much much more!

Let's do this 🚀

— Gloria Mbabazi, Shem Opolot

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Headlines

⚖️ The anti-gay bill

Like students flocking to the dining hall on non-posho and beans days, a record number of MPs were present to pass the Anti-Gay Bill into law—389 MPs out of 529 voted in favor of the bill. President Museveni has 30 days to respond and the international community didn’t waste time making their thoughts known. The bill may have far-reaching ramifications, but we wager it’ll likely falter at the threshold. Therefore, as a better use of your time, ponder the real issues: poor social services, poor infrastructure, no functioning systems, and the slew of scandals (NSSF, iron sheets, government printers, etc.)

💉 COVID vaccine just for just

The year is 2020, the race to find a COVID Vaccine is on like a high-octane scene in the Fast and the Furious, and President Museveni, in between rationing posho and working out on national television, promises a Ugandan-made COVID vaccine. The year is 2023 and Ugandan scientists make a minor edit to the original projections, claiming the vaccine we hardly need anymore will be ready in 15 years. The scientists’ admission of tardiness comes as the leadership of the responsible ministry struggles to account for the funds dedicated to vaccine development.

🏠 “Perish” Development Model

President Museveni revisited Acholi Sub-region to check on NRM’s latest shiny new vehicle for over-promising and under-delivering—the parish development model (PDM) (What is PDM?). However, in the place of progress in the parish, the president found extortion and embezzlement and subsequently ordered the arrest of all the thieves. The PDM desperately needs masterful implementation to rise and meet its lofty intentions.

Other headlines

KCCA launches hybrid solar system to empower schools for the deaf

Entebbe Airport eases COVID-19 restrictions for travelers

Read this story of swindling and diddling involving 5 Indian nationals and an aggrieved Ugandan law firm

Amid pomp and circumstance, the Nnaabagereka launched her autobiography this week

NTV journalist, Edward Muhumuza dies in a car accident on the Entebbe Expressway

Uganda Airlines resumes flights to Rwanda

BOU sues former and current bank staff for manipulating their ages to continue receiving pensions and other benefits from the Central Bank. Wonder where they got that idea…

Before the ink dries on the iron sheets saga, another government scandal—this one involves printers. Oh, and UGX 7 billion

Beyond Borders

🌍️ Africa

🇸🇴 Somalia Drought: A report released by the government and United Nations agencies on the record drought in Somalia is a reminder of the devastating impact of climate change on vulnerable communities. 43,000 people may have lost their lives in 2022 due to the drought, and around 18,000 - 32,000 are projected to lose their lives within the first six months of this year.

🇳🇬 Rigging, Rest, and Relaxation: The newly elected president of Nigeria, Bola Tinubu, in a show of self-love and his best Muhammadu Buhari impression, took a vacation to Paris and London to "rest from the hectic campaigns". For a country whose name and hectic are synonymous, Tinubu might be embarking on the customary emigration to Europe observed by the incumbent president of Nigeria.

🇷🇼 “Hotel Rwanda” hero freed: Rwandan President, Paul Kagame commuted the 25-year sentence of “Hotel Rwanda” hero, Paul Rusesabagina. Paul Rusesabagina, who was convicted of backing an anti-government rebel group, had been incarcerated for 900 days.

🇿🇦 🇰🇪 Riots: In a seemingly coordinated effort, opposition leaders, Julius Malema and Raila Odinga from South Africa and Kenya respectively, urged their supporters to take to the streets to protest the rising cost of living in their respective countries. The riots attracted mass looting, destruction of property, and the deployment of security forces.

Other headlines

The UK/Rwanda refugee exchange program

🗺️ The rest of the world

🇨🇳 🇷🇺 Russia/China mating dance: China’s president Xi Jinping met with President Putin in Moscow on Tuesday to “foster friendship, peace, and cooperation” and give America irritable bowel syndrome, as China continues to flex its global leadership muscle. The US fears China will accelerate their involvement in the Russia/Ukraine war by selling weapons to Russia. One thing’s for sure, China and Russia's buddying-up could effectively divide the world into 2 factions—pro-America and anti-America. And if we use Uganda’s recent policies as a compass, we’ll likely side against the English speakers. (Read)

🇺🇳 Earth is getting cooked: A UN climate report revealed warned that Earth is teetering ever so closely to the hot stove, without a fire extinguisher in sight. According to the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, global average temperatures are expected to exceed the 1.5 degrees Celsius increase above preindustrial levels targeted in the 2015 Paris Climate Agreement.

Hopefully, the top emitters (China and the US) can implement more common-sense green solutions instead of forcing us to repeat clothes, take one shower a week and use straws that leave traces of paper in our mouths.

🇨🇭 Credit Suisse ⚭ UBS: Last week, we told you Credit Suisse courted and wed crisis. This week, we tell you Credit Suisse got married again. We use the marriage analogy intentionally here because the rush by Swiss authorities to lawfully wed Swiss banking giant and Credit Suisse rival, UBS (against their will) to flailing Credit Suisse is reminiscent of marriage in its original form—to save one of the entities from financial ruin with neither entity hot about the whole ordeal. UBS bought Credit Suisse for $3 billion, 60% below the asking price 3 days prior. For perspective, Crocs is worth $7 billion.

N’ebigenderako

Maintaining a horrible streak, Deutsche Bank teetered close to extinction on Friday

Google unleashes its ChatGPT competitor, Bard cautiously as they try to keep pace with Microsoft while maintaining Google Search’s business model

Bill Gates blogged about AI, calling it as revolutionary as mobile phones and the internet

Tiktok’s CEO faced the US Congress this past week to allay privacy concerns as America contemplates banning the platform; however, most of the discourse tantamounted to televised tech support and likely quickened the steps toward a ban

Apple to invest in movies that’ll be released in theatres

Beyonce and Adidas parted ways after years of making athleisure with the most unclear target market ever

ChatGPT added plugins that allow it to access real-time internet data and order groceries, book travel and make restaurant reservations (just not in Uganda)

Putin made a surprise visit to the (illegally) annexed Ukraine city, Mariupol. We imagine it was to watch the sunset over a grateful universe a la Thanos.

6.8 magnitude earthquake in southern Ecuador and Northern Peru killed at least 16 and injured hundreds.

Punjab cuts internet for 27 million people as part of their search for a fugitive

Macron narrowly survived a no-confidence vote, increasing the likelihood of the passing of his unpopular retirement legislation

Games and Puzzles

This week’s challenge is courtesy of Braingle.

I am a protector.
I sit on a bridge.
One person can see right through me, while others wonder what I hide.

What am I?

Answer at the bottom

Procrastination corner

🤓 Read: The shocking story behind “Bambi”

🤖 This company (worth $1 billion) made a chatbot that lets you chat with AI-generated versions of real people (dead or alive) or made-up characters

📽 30 of the best short films and novels

🌏 Here’s a video of the scale of the universe to check your ego

🧬 The hidden genes that make us who we are

Riddle answer

Answer: Sunglasses (they sit on the bridge of your nose)

Have a good week!

— Too Long; Didn’t Read (TLDR)

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